The Future Is Dark
I'm very lazy.
Hmm... No, that's not quite it. I'm not lazy, I do work quite hard. But when it comes to some things, I do not work very hard, in fact, I give up quite readily with some things.
There are quite a few things to which this applies, one of which being this, writing. I have quite a few blogs on here that I've made private after they have sat unused for several months, slightly embarrassed at my negligence/failure to keep writing.
Here I am again. When will I give up this time? When will the laziness kick in?
I was reading a book recently, Men Explain Things to Me. I'm picking it back up after a long while of not reading it. (How on theme.) There is this chapter where the author, Rebecca Solnit, quotes Virginia Woolf: "The future is dark. Which is the best thing the future can be, I think."
Disclaimer: I am poorly read and should probably know way more about Woolf and literature in general. But Solnit uses this quote to talk about how we know things, or how we maybe should not know things and fully live in that unknowingness. I found so much value in this concept.
It left me reflecting on my own experience of the future, how I have historically interacted with it.
Mostly fearfully, is the answer. Where this comes from is a long psychodynamic exploration. If you're interested in that we can get lunch together...and then maybe dinner... and then coffee, because it would likely be a long and trying process.
What still remains is my experience of the dark future. The unknown does not have to be this fear-inducing monstrous entity. It can simply be unknown. Maybe good. Maybe bad. Maybe a clown will literally run up to me pie me in the face. Maybe all three.
I've become quite adept at hedging my bets, hedging the energy I put out in the world, hedging my endeavors, hedging my creative outlets (this), hedging my relationships. If I hedge these various aspects of my life, I am in control. I know what is happening. I feel safe.
I do not think I want that anymore. I do not think I am so desperate to feel physically, socially, emotionally, or psychologically safe anymore. I am not that 11 year old child running away from home. It is time to more fully own my past and its impact, to live more fully in my present, to revel and be playful in my future.
Hmm... No, that's not quite it. I'm not lazy, I do work quite hard. But when it comes to some things, I do not work very hard, in fact, I give up quite readily with some things.
There are quite a few things to which this applies, one of which being this, writing. I have quite a few blogs on here that I've made private after they have sat unused for several months, slightly embarrassed at my negligence/failure to keep writing.
Here I am again. When will I give up this time? When will the laziness kick in?
I was reading a book recently, Men Explain Things to Me. I'm picking it back up after a long while of not reading it. (How on theme.) There is this chapter where the author, Rebecca Solnit, quotes Virginia Woolf: "The future is dark. Which is the best thing the future can be, I think."
Disclaimer: I am poorly read and should probably know way more about Woolf and literature in general. But Solnit uses this quote to talk about how we know things, or how we maybe should not know things and fully live in that unknowingness. I found so much value in this concept.
It left me reflecting on my own experience of the future, how I have historically interacted with it.
Mostly fearfully, is the answer. Where this comes from is a long psychodynamic exploration. If you're interested in that we can get lunch together...and then maybe dinner... and then coffee, because it would likely be a long and trying process.
What still remains is my experience of the dark future. The unknown does not have to be this fear-inducing monstrous entity. It can simply be unknown. Maybe good. Maybe bad. Maybe a clown will literally run up to me pie me in the face. Maybe all three.
I've become quite adept at hedging my bets, hedging the energy I put out in the world, hedging my endeavors, hedging my creative outlets (this), hedging my relationships. If I hedge these various aspects of my life, I am in control. I know what is happening. I feel safe.
I do not think I want that anymore. I do not think I am so desperate to feel physically, socially, emotionally, or psychologically safe anymore. I am not that 11 year old child running away from home. It is time to more fully own my past and its impact, to live more fully in my present, to revel and be playful in my future.
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